you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
