u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
