My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
