He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
