Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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