never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
