Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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