PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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