I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's always time for handjobs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
