last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
