Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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