I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
