Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
