did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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