I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
