I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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