Will you blow on my dice?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
