I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
