First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
