Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
