I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
