Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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