Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
