I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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