If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
