i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
