Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
