Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
