my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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