I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
