Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
