yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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