Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
