I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
