508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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