i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
