I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We just shotgunned beers for America
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
