That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
