so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
