If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
