you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
