I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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