you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
