I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
