I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
