Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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