i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
