Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
