I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
