I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
