Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My dick has a subreddit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
