The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
