Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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